ANOTHER BUSH TRIUMPH

The South American trip of President Bush has been successful beyond the wildest expectations of even his strongest supporters.  News reports have provided overwhelming evidence of the growth of free trade in a global economy.

Everywhere Bush goes, the people greet him by burning American flags made in China.


                                      WORLD’S GREATEST OOPS MACHINE

This has to be the clumsiest administration in the history of the United States.

The Republicans attempted to smear a whistle-blower who challenged President Bush’s claims of Iraqi WMDs that led to our starting the Iraq war.    OOPS.    The smear included a leak of the name of a CIA operative.    OOPS.    They really got nailed when a Republican special prosecutor indicted leaker Scooter Libby, one of the President’s most important White House deputies, for lying about his role in the leaking.

The Senate started and then the Republicans stalled an investigation into the false premises that led up to our entry into the Iraq war, thinking they had hidden that problem from the public eye.   OOPS.  The Damnocrats used Rule 21 to force them to return to the investigation, with greatly increased public attention.

The U.S. Senate enacted legislation by a 90-9 vote reinforcing established, but ignored standards banning degrading or inhumane treatment or torture of prisoners.   OOPS.    Vice President Cheney, the ex CEO and perpetual chum of Halliburton lobbies to get an exemption for the C.I.A. where he spent an inordinate amount of time during the build-up to the war.    DOUBLE OOPS.    Republicans in the House are fighting the bill.

President Bush deals with the furor this develops, saying that the U.S. does not torture prisoners.   OOPS.    Another leak broke in the Washington Post, revealing that the United States maintains a number of secret prisons at ‘black sites’ - foreign countries where the CIA holds and presumably tortures detainees.

Bill Frist and Dennis Hastert, Republican leaders of the Senate and the House called for an investigation into the newest leak.    OOPS.    Senator Trent Lott, who was pushed aside by Bill Frist a while back, announced that the leak probably came from a meeting of Republican senators, attended by Dick Cheney, when the highly classified subject was discussed openly. 

Shortly after, Bill Frist flipped, and said that he hadn’t signed the call for an investigation.   OOPS.    A couple of hours later, he flopped and said he did sign it. DOUBLE OOPS.   The C.I.A. had already turned the matter over to the Justice Department.   
There are just too many leaks for Bill Frist to handle.  After all, he is a surgeon.  They need somebody trained to deal with the righteous bunch in Congress.  Say, a group urologist.

A new Republican campaign has been launched condemning all these leaks as damaging to our image in the world, and endangering the morale and the safety of our troops fighting in Iraq.   OOPS.    One Republican senator suggested that instead of these unproductive, unpatriotic, politically motivated moves, those partisan Democrats should work cooperatively, putting more money into American pockets by extending the Republican tax cuts.

Talk about terror.  Think about this.  Our futures are in the hands of President Bush, Vice President Cheney, and Donald Rumsfeld, better known by their international nicknames, Dummy, Chummy, and Rummy.


                                                      THE DREAM TEAM

Pete Rose’s son, a minor-league baseball player, admitted guilt to selling the drug, GBL to other ball players.  The drug is reportedly used, among other things, to enhance sexual performance and as an aid to sleep.

This combination effect was confirmed by girl friends of the players, whose regular response to the minor leaguers attempt to score was, “In your dreams, chump, in your dreams.”


                                                       SWEAR WORDS

The U.S. Senate finally responded to demands by Washington State U.S. Senator Maria Cantwell to investigate the oil companies for possible price gouging in the run up of gas prices following our recent natural tragedies at home and our man-made disasters in the Middle East.

Leaping in front of the passing parade, Republican leaders called for hearings where the heads of the major oil companies were invited to speak.   

The joint hearings were well oiled by the presence of the heads of ExxonMobil Corp, Chevron Corp.  ConocoPhillips, Shell Oil, and BP America Inc.

This is the first time that the CEO’s of the powerful oil companies met publicly in the Senate with all the people on their payroll.

I forgot to mention, they were not required to testify under oath.  The only swearing you will hear will come from the rest of us.

Maybe that easy treatment is not such a bad thing. We don’t require that Bush, Cheney, or Rumsfeld take an oath before they speak, and we know how well that works.


                                                       FOOT NOTES

While Bush was on his South American trip to push his Hemispheric Free Trade proposals, Brazilian president Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva showed him a map of his country.  Mr. Bush exhibited his vaunted global awareness by saying, “Wow!  Brazil is big.”

Mr. Bush joined Mr. da Silva at his home for a Brazilian barbecue.  The beef served to Mr. Bush, which he called, “unbelievably good” is banned from about 50 countries, including the United States because of an outbreak of foot-and-mouth disease in Brazil.

Our president is considered to have a natural immunity because of regular outbreaks of a related disease, foot in mouth.


                                               ONE SOLUTION FITS ALL

We now read that the U.N. wants the U.S. to refund $208 million paid to Halliburton (for shoddy work or massive overcharges for materials and work) not to the U.N., but to Iraq, as it came out of Iraqi oil money.

That leaves the question, is this money (and payments for other activities in Iraq) included in the money we say the Iraq war is costing the U.S. budget, or is all this money above and beyond what we are pumping in directly? 

Even as we speak, President Bush is looking for new tax cuts he can make to offset the money we might have to pay back.


                                               THIS ONE’S A NO-BRAINER

Perhaps the greatest achievement of the present administration in Washington is that it has ended the brain drain hurting our nation.

Advances in stem cell research, President Bush’s support for Intelligent Design, the brilliance of his campaign in Iraq, his tax and emergency management programs, and his crony cabinet, are all part of the overwhelming evidence that there are no brains left in this country to drain.


                                            LATE BREAKING OTC NEWS

The present flap about leaks and torturing detainees was revealed to be one more slick trick of Cheney’s.  It turns out that Cheney actually wanted to cut off the C.I.A. from any contact with detainees, and especially torture.

When that is accomplished, he will outsource the entire torture operation to Halliburton on a no bid contract.  The OTC (that is, Other Than Cheney’s) leaks will be handled by Halliburton on an individual basis.  They will be paid a standard amount for every leaker they plug.

Comments

[J. fort, M.D.]

Dear Bob:..There is no problem in downloading or reading your humorous commentaries on this, that, and the other thing. May you and the mizzus have a happy end of the year.

[J. fort, M.D.]

Dear Bob:..There is no problem in downloading or reading your humorous commentaries on this, that, and the other thing. May you and the mizzus have a happy end of the year.