PAGING INSPECTOR CLOUSSEAU

When the Washington Post broke the story of the C.I.A network of secret prisons around the world where detainees are subjected to what may be called degrading, cruel and unusual punishment, the great spy agency turned the matter over to the Justice Department to find the source of the leaks.

Option 1:  That’s infuriating!  We spend $44 billion a year on the C.I.A. and this incompetent bunch of boobs need outside help to find one lousy leaker in their own agency!

Option 2:  The C.I.A. is even sneakier than Cheney, the presumptive evil emperor. They are using a C.I.A. trick to keep their jobs and their self-respect at the same time. By first outing his secret torture prison plan and then his leaking the plan and trying to blame someone else, they have foiled the plot and made Cheney his own scapegoat.


                                               PAYOILA   NY Times

Senator Ted Stevens, (R. Alaska) chaired the joint congressional committee “hearing” investigating possible price gouging and world-record shattering profits of the major oil companies in the wake of recent disasters.  He started off by quashing a motion to require the heads of five huge oil companies to answer questions under oath.  Then he refused to allow Senator Boxer to question these men about their great salaries and bonuses and swollen profits.  He also banished reporters, cameramen, and TV from the hearing.

Senator Stevens has just been awarded the Hearno, Seeno, Speakno Golden Ape prize, which carries with it a cash award doubling his last year’s payoila of $102,900 for his campaign coffers.

This is the second major award Stevens has won in recent months.  Previously he won the Golden Pork award for getting a quarter of a billion dollars from taxpayers’ pockets to build the famous bridge to nowhere in Alaska.

Mr. Stevens was very modest in accepting the awards, saying, “I could not have done this without the help of my Republican colleagues.”


                                            KISS AND MAKE UP

The four initiatives proposed and backed by California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to weaken the Democratic opposition in his state were soundly defeated by the people in the recent election.  The embarrassed governor reacted immediately, emphasizing his desire to work collaboratively with the Democrats whom he had publicly scorned.

This has to hurt his image as the big tough guy, kissing all those people he has already defined as “girlie men.”  They may tell the well-made-up Hollywood star just where he can kiss them.  They are leaning more to San Francisco than Sacramento.  Macy’s has stores with windows in both cities.


                                     THIS, TOO, SHALL NOT PASS

Immediately following last Tuesday’s elections, Ken Mehlman, Republican National Committee Chairman, said that they had no national significance, as the elections were purely local affairs in an off-off election year.

Among the insignificant effects of the elections:  two days after the big Democratic win, the Washington Post reported that the Republicans,  “abruptly pulled their $54 billion budget-cutting bill off the House floor yesterday,” dropped the demand for oil drilling in Alaska’s Arctic National Wildlife refuge and in the offshore continental shelf, walked away from Bush’s call to extend the tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans, and the Senate in a near unanimous vote extended their call for the administration to reject the secret prisons or use cruel, inhumane, and degrading methods on detainees.

The Republicans are defending themselves on charges of disloyalty to their party’s policies by claiming temporary sanity.


       MALICE IN WONDERLAND  (Waterloo Cedar Falls Courier)

In Tobyhanna, PA, on Friday, President Bush lashed out at congressional critics (mostly Democrats, but now including Republican Senators Rick Santorum and Chuck Hagel) of his Iraq war policy, saying that it was, “deeply irresponsible to rewrite the history of how that war began.” 

He seemed most upset not by claims of intelligence mistakes but attacks on his credibility. 

President Bush is right to call these attacks, “baseless.”  I do not know anyone who has accused him of either intelligence or credibility.


                                               GILT RIDDEN LOBBY

It was reported that Jack Abramoff, Tom DeLay’s favorite lobbyist, had offered to arrange for the President of Gabon with President Bush for a fee of $9 million.   

More recently, Republican candidates for office have been offering even larger fees for President Bush not to visit.