DIGGER REELED IN

“The Wildcat,” Francisco Javier Arellano Felix, leader of a violent Tijuana crime family, tied to countless killings, including at least a score of police officers, journalists and rivals, and notorious smuggler of hundreds of tons of cocaine, methamphetamine, and marijuana into the US, was captured by the US Coast Guard while deep-sea fishing off the coast of Mexico.

The Wildcat was furious at being grabbed while his cartel partners, El Chapo and El Mayo remained free.  “Everybody knows they are supposed to hold the Mayo,” he shouted.

The smuggler was also known for secretly building a series of tunnels, including an elaborate 2,400-foot tunnel that crossed the U.S. border to a San Diego-area warehouse.

In addition to being a target of US Drug officials, Felix is wanted by Boston as a consultant to help them out of their Big Dig fiasco, and Seattle, whose Mayor is pushing for a multi-billion dollar tunnel to replace his city’s ancient viaduct.  He said, “The Felix crew can build it way under budget, and without slowing down traffic.  We won’t even know they are working.”

Senor Felix was said to be considering the offers, but seemed nervous about working with a much more sophisticated bunch of crooks.


                                     A GRAVE RESPONSE

Attorneys for the late Ken Lay are taking court action to have his conviction overturned because he died before their appeal could be heard.

Leave it to the attorneys to come up with that scam:  innocent by reason of death.

It is a fitting conclusion to a case of someone who screwed so many people.  In the future, the legal maneuver will be known as Getting Layd.

The only recourse left to the financial victims of Ken’s crimes is to act on his company’s earlier responses to their pleas (1. Before you’ll get a nickel back, I’ll see you in hell.  2. Drop dead.)


                         SUPREMES NOT ENTRANCED BY DWARVES

The Supreme Court of the Philippines fired Florentino Floro from his job as a trial judge because he consulted three imaginary mystic dwarves  (Armand, Luis, and Angel) to carry out healing sessions during breaks in his chambers.  They said that Florentino’s statements and behavior could make the judiciary an object of ridicule.

Among Judge Floro's claims were that he could write while in a trance and that he had been seen by several people in two places at the same time.

One of them was on the Kansas board of education. The other is as a member of the U.S. Supreme Court.

Scratch that last.  Not sufficiently ridiculous.