EXTINCT FOSSIL
REPORT
Scientists
studying the fossil of an ancient dwarf baleen whale – the Mammalodon colliveri
– concluded that although it still had teeth, it was a bottom-feeding
mud-sucker.
There is no
official response to rumors that the bottom-feeding mud-sucker’s DNA connects
it to Joe Lieberman.
Studies of the
evolutionary process are continuing.
NUT CASE
While a coach
passenger aboard a Delta flight nearing Detroit, a 23 year-old Nigerian claiming ties to al Qaeda tried to set fire to some
explosives he had strapped to his crotch.
Quickly subdued
by other passengers, the would-be suicide bomber was stripped naked, and
transferred to a First Class seat where he was restrained for the duration of
the flight.
He immediately
demanded that as an upgraded passenger, he should get a refund on the baggage
charges he paid on his coach ticket.
He also wanted
to have the miles credited to his infrequent flyer status.
The kicker is
that as a result of this nut case’s nut case, all flyers will have to undergo a
much more complete screening on future flights.
One way to
avoid the long lines is to show up at the airport stark naked.
This will increase speed as well as
security, as the guards will not have to bother patting you down or taking away
your shoes.
A passing
glance is all it will take for you to pass security and board the plane.
And I will no
longer have to show my card to get priority treatment reserved for the
physically handicapped.
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