GIBRAN THE BUBBLE DANCER  -  Wall Street

You loaned together, and together you shall be broke forever more

You shall be together when rings of creditors scatter your assets

Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of greed

But let there be spaces in your developments

And let the subs of your primes dance between you.

 

GIBRAN’S LOBBY  -  Congress

You were tainted together, and together you shall rot forevermore,

You shall be together when your lobbyist owners end your pay

Ay, you shall be together in the silent memory of No

But let there be spaces in your reelections

And let the winds of reform clear out your sorry ass.

 

JOHN: UP 8 & 7

Tiger Woods has now broken all records in the number of sponsors lost in one season.  (Gillette’s dropping him was the unkindest cut of all.)

Brit Hume, desperate to have someone know that he was still alive, despite being on Fox TV, said the only way that Tiger could redeem himself would be to accept Jesus Christ and drop the Buddhist religion. 

Too little, too late!  Our hero got a better offer. Other religious leaders, aware that Mr. Woods’ exploits with perhaps fifteen ladies had effectively bombed Madison Avenue, officially declared him a martyr, entitled to 57 more hookers.

One great benefit of Tiger’s testosterone is that he has activated the HOA (Hypocrites of America).  In their eyes, one of his sins is that he allowed people to like and admire him.  Had he been a clumsy hacker and an unlikeable slob like them, people would not have been disappointed in his not living up to their expectations. 

Women, every last one of them virginal, including the married ones, who had earlier fawned on him, have taken to piling on.  Their righteous indignation is boundless, and they are angered that he hit too many balls out of bounds.

Some of the ladies with whom he is alleged to have played a round have tried to sell their stories to the media. They are true lovers of golf.  Their only motivation appears to be a concern with the rub of the green.

Another of his errors was that as a married man, he had sex with a rather large number of unmarried women.  These folks are likely to chat about such activity more than married women might.

He would have been far better off if he had lots of extra-marital sex over the same period of time, but confined it to only one or two playing partners.  That’s the American way!

As we gather stones to hurl at him, we would do well to remember the biblical injunction, JOHN 8.7:  He that is without sin, let him tee off first.

SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED

The CIA is now gathering evidence of polar ice melting, and sharing it with scientists concerned with the rise of ocean levels threatening human life around the globe.

The Obama administration has put them all on notice to avoid mistakes.  He wants to be sure that they connect all the ice cubes.

The Republicans are condemning the cost of expensive satellite photography as a gigantic waste of money, because they know there is no such thing as global warming.

Fundamentalists are claiming that global warming is just a loving God’s way of turning the whole world into a melting pot.

San Franciscans say that they prefer it smoked.

 

TV OR NOT TV

Republicans are claiming that President Obama has reneged on his oft-stated promise to carry all major legislation negotiations on CSPAN.

Nothing could be further from the truth.  He wanted to have it aired, but the network refused to carry one more messy reality show.

His media people are now trying to have these sessions shown on a new season of Fantasy Island.