STIMULATAE ID EPLORUM OMNES

Stimulus:  an act to arouse action – rated PG 21

Every American citizen 21 years or older gets a non-transferable debit card (identified with Social Security number) with $1,000 on it. About 100 million people get these cards – total of $100 billion.  They cannot be used in concert with any other of these debit cards.  The amount of any purchase over $1,000 has to be paid for in cash or check. These cards cannot be used to pay down any debts. This card is not transferable and is only good for products manufactured in the United States by companies that maintain their headquarters here as well. The card is only good for four months, and any balance on the card at the expiration date is wiped out.  This will assure that the stimulus will be immediate.

The cards cannot be used for oil or gasoline.  That will please the tree huggers.

The cards cannot be used to buy medicines.  That will please the Republicans.

American manufacturers will get orders, stores will get sales; employees will retain jobs; new employees may be hired; and they, in turn will buy other things with cash.  That will please both the Chamber of Commerce and the unions.

The poor will move up a bit, and have to pay taxes, which will please the Republicans.

Sales tax income will go up for the states, and that will please a lot of incompetent Governors who can take the money and still complain about the Federal government.

The cards can be used for buying marijuana, which will please the immoral liberals who will smoke it and thrill the moral conservatives who will sell it.

Sales of marijuana will increase, as we will make that product legal and taxable, adding to the power of the stimulus package. 

Church leaders will rejoice at the increased attendance at communion services where they serve marijuana wafers.

Politicians who have long operated with smoke and mirrors will drop the mirrors, inhale the smoke, bi-partisanship will return, and in the ensuing era that follows, known as the Stoned Age, peace and harmony will settle over the Capitol.

The bastards who have taken their businesses off shore to avoid paying taxes will want to get in on the stimulated domestic action, and will start an off-offshore movement.  Who knows?  We might even use undocumented workers in sweatshops in New York and Los Angeles to make shoes that we can export to China.