KILLER VIRUS HITS U.S.!

Scientists have identified a virus that regularly kills more than 25,000 Americans every year, and leaves many times that severely incapacitated.  The AMA and the CFG association have issued a checklist to help detect those most likely afflicted by the virus.  Look for these, even in people you thought to  be healthy.

1.     Lumps under their armpits.
2.     Twitching fingers.
3.     Handkerchief headbands made from Confederate Flags.
4.     Frequently seen carrying two books and a magazine.  The books are the Bible and Protocols of the Elders of Zion.  The magazine is generally filled with pointy things with lead tips.
5.     In every conversation they work in the phrase (shouted), “We’re Number One!”
6.     Their favorite tattoos are of Dick Cheney and Sarah Palin.
7.     They come from either Montana or Sicily.
8.     They think there is only one amendment to the U.S. Constitution.
9.     When they say, “Over my cold dead body,” they are talking about yours.
10. Antonin Scalia is their favorite Supreme Court justice.

For years, this sickness was thought to be terminal.  Now, however, there is a cure at hand.  If you are among the afflicted, or, heaven forbid know one of them, and particularly if you are afraid of shots, contact the CURE FOR GUNORRHEA Association at once.

Contributions would help us get out the word.  The first three hundred people to send in a minimum of $400 each will receive a handsome CFG jacket, made of high-impact-resistant Teflon.

HELP US STAMP OUT GUNORRHEA!

 

 

© bobkaufmann 2010